I give in.

Ok, I'm ready to move.

I really think I've stuck it out longer than anyone really thought I would living in this neighborhood. But now I come home after picking up my youngest child from school, walk around the side of the house (because the latch on the gate leading to my front door is broken) and am stopped dead in my tracks with my six year old when we come across a very well-endowed tan vibrator in the middle of the path.

And really, what could I say to her? After collecting myself, I dragged her around the house and back up towards the other side where my door is and brush off her question. She goes and tells her sister there is a weird 'hot dog' in the yard which is 'upsetting Mommy'.

It's still sitting there. I've contemplated calling the landlord to remove it but I don't know...doesn't seem like the conversation I'd really want to have with him. I'd pick it up with gloves or something myself if I wasn't completely grossed out thinking about which crackwhore's ass it's been stuck in before it landed in my yard, or what they were doing in my yard in the first place with it. Besides, I've gone without sex for WAY too long to end up picking up some STD by carrying someone else's used vibe to the garbage can.