4.24.2006

Horoscopes For Today: 4/24/2006
It's pretty hard to plan for the future when you don't have a solid
understanding of what's happening in the present. Oh sure, you kind of have an idea of what's going on -- heck, you know as much as most people do. But you are a deep, psychologically insightful person, and you have the tools to really, truly grasp what your current world looks like. If you do this, then you greatly enhance the chances that the plans you make will be relevant and effective. So go to it!

Seriously, I don’t have the slightest clue what’s going on in any aspect of my life. “Solid understanding”? I wish. I’m not sure exactly when I lost a grip on things…or more realistically, I don’t know if I ever actually had a grip on them (sometimes I’m pretty good at faking it.)

One day at a time, right?

After much thought I have finally decided that it is time to start taking steps to prepare myself for spinsterhood because, god damn do I feel old these days. With that said, I’ve decided to get a kitten. I figure that since nothing I do has made the cat smell from Carmen’s apartment go away that I might as well give in and start early collecting cats. And of course, kittens are cuter than cats to begin with.

The problem here is that every cat I’ve ever had has either been completely insane or gone insane at some point in it’s life. The last two that I remember are Psycho, a cute skinny black kitty who one day got a plastic bag stuck around it’s neck like a cape and ran around the house trying to escape it meanwhile being scared to death by the crinkly sound it made and eventually slammed itself against the sliding glass door at my moms house and peed all over itself. That cat was never, ever the same again and we eventually had to give it away. The last kitty was Edgar, somehow related to Oddball, Damon’s cat. Edgar was a really big muscular grey kitty who was really, really into self-gratification. I know for a fact that he wasn’t weaned too early so I’m not sure why he did it, but he would sit for hours sucking himself off. It got to the point where it was so embarrassing (every time someone came to visit he would jump in their lap and start going at it with himself) that I made him an outdoor kitty. A few friends started asking if they could take him to parties (ew?) and eventually Edgar started roaming the neighborhood and one day never came back.

Hopefully I will have better luck with my future kitty.