Day 8 - Write A Bestseller Today

First off, the competition:
HARDCOVER FICTION
Top 5 at a Glance
1. PREDATOR, by Patricia Cornwell
2. AT FIRST SIGHT, by Nicholas Sparks
3. THE CAMEL CLUB, by David Baldacci
4. CHRIST THE LORD: OUT OF EGYPT, by Anne Rice
5. TOXIC BACHELORS, by Danielle Steel

How can I compete with the likes of Danielle Steel and Anne Rice? Er....doesn't Danielle Steel write porno romance novels?

Alright, I don't know if it will sell anything but here are some of the wierd events of my day:

I didn't sleep well. I had bizarre quasi sex dreams and I think I slept with too many pillows because my neck feels unnaturally painful and I can't really look too far to the left. Basically, I start my day unrested.

I went to the Washington Mutual ATM machine. There is a woman parked in front of me blabbing on her cell phone. I didn't look at her but she was complaining to someone on the phone "what is wrong with the god damn atm machines?" Indeed the first machine I use will not give me any money but I am patient and there are two machines. I get in line for the other machine and it works fine EXCEPT WaMu who I have always liked because they did not charge anything to use their machines will begin imposing a $1.50 charge to non-WaMu cardholders effective Nov 17. That really sucks for me. My bank is based out of Ohio and the only ATM in California is inside one of the buildings at my work. So if I want my cash without having to pay for it I have to go to work. It just seems wrong to me.
Anyway, the woman gets out of her car and I finally look at her. She is slightly overweight and wearing some sort of sweat outfit. She has gigantic curlers on the top of her head, bright red lipstick and is smoking a cigarette. In her rasping scary voice she asks me if I can actually 'get money out of the god damn thing'.

Yes. Yes I can.

Moving along. I went and paid my credit card bill without incident. Next stop, coffee. We get to Starbucks and order. Ok so far. Aislin and Lhiannan both get hot chocolate and pour every sort of flavored sugar thing they have at the counter into it. We get halfway through the parking lot to the car and Aislin drops her drink all over the ground. No biggie, it's only $1 I tell myself and we walk back in to get another one. Since they are nice people they give it to her for free. Aislin is oddly apologetic about the whole thing. Again, they go dump all kinds of crap into her drink and this time I hold it for her. As we are walking out Sean, who is a barista there that Aislin likes to flirt with, starts trying to play with her and for some reason freaks her out. It was awkward because she always likes playing with him. We get to the car, get buckled, I put the car in reverse and hear a splash. She dropped her second drink all over the backseat of my car. I didn't get her a third.

We then go to my least favorite place on the planet - Wal-Mart. I generally refuse to go there on principle but they have cheap (slavelabormade) kids clothes and since I'm totally effing broke and the kids ruin their clothes anyway it seemed like a good idea. Please note - I nearly always have some sort of anxiety attack at some point in a Wal-Mart store. We bought a ton of cheap clothes mostly without incident and left. Only three people tried to crash into my car with their giant oversized wal-mart carts.

The rest of the day went downhill from there. We attempted to go to City Suds no less than THREE TIMES but were unable to find parking. Finally on the third try I actually parked down the street and dragged all of our baskets of clothes down the sidewalk while the American Graffiti folks looked at me like I was insane. I watched a few minutes of one of the Govenators better movies, Total Recall and then went home where I have been cleaning and cooking ever since.

Typical boring non-bestselling day.