Day 1 - Warm Up Day

Today change your life in a small way.

Available options:

Lose one ounce of weight.
I don't have a scale so there isn't much of a way to measure this. I just peed -- hopefully it was an ounce worth.

Basejump off a chair.

Donate your baby teeth to science.
Duh, the tooth fairy took these a long time ago.

Save the life of an ant.
I looked for ants outside of my front door where there are always ants and I'm sorry to have to report that there were no signs of life and that despite my best intentions I was too late. The woman that lives downstairs, Carmen, has this thing about watering the grass, plants, sidewalks and the street in front of our house several times a day. This event, known in the ant kingdom as "The Great Flooding" has made life for the ants difficult at best. This morning, again, everything was soaked and no life was to be found. Thinking towards the future, I could either 1. Turn off the water to our house thus preventing her from watering the ground, 2. Hide her hose & spray nozzle. However, I am human and since I don't want to get on the wrong side of this inter-species war I looked deep inside myself for other ways to help the any cause. In my household I have only one rule regarding the life and death of any insect and it has one exception: If it is outside in it's own kingdom let it live even if it is ugly and creepy. If it sets foot in our house it is dead. The exception is spiders that appear to be poisonous. I will admit that unless it is a Daddy Long Leg spider I will assume that it is poisonous (and please elitist arachoid fans do not preach to me that Daddy Long Leg spiders are 'the most poisonous spider but their mouths are too small to bite you'. I didn't buy it when my grandparents told me and I'm not buying it now.)
There is a creepy looking, potentially black widow spider that I discovered last night living in the crack in the wall where the air conditioner sits in the building next door to me. I do not know if black widow spiders eat ants but I'm going to assume they do because they are evil fucking bitches. With that said - I scared away the spider and it crawled back into the wall it came from. Ok, I admit, I was too scared of it to get close enough to kill it. Do those things jump? They have eight legs, how can they not?


Tell your deepest secret to the talking clock.
My clock doesn't talk. Where can I get a talking clock?

Go on a one-man protest.

Make a small dream come true.

Sow one seed of anarchy.

Dye your hair its natural color.
I did this a few weeks ago already.

Watch a different TV channel.
Instead of watching the 'snow channel' I've changed it to the 'spanish snow channel'.

Eliminate avocados from your diet.
I can't afford avocados now -- so done!

Gamble $1 on a horse.

Write the first letter of a novel.
"T"

Graffiti with a pencil.


Join a sect part-time.

Get a microscopic tattoo.
Already got it! It says hi, i'm a small dot. Just really tiny, you know?


Clear out your belly button fluff.
All clear!

Sexually harrass yourself.
I grabbed my own ass and winked at myself suggestively. If you want to see the pictures please send $20. Thanks.