Confessions

I daydream all day long about my how my life could be if I ran away from
everyone I know.

I think about taking my kids and leaving the country and never telling
anyone and never coming back.

I know I will never be beautiful and when everyone tells me how "cute" I am
it crushes my spirit but I pretend to be thankful.

I never feel more lonely than I do when I'm surrounded by the people who
tell me they love me.

Unless the callers are very persistent I ignore almost all my phone calls.

I have a large family but I really have no family at all.

I spend a good portion of every day trying not to cry.

I crave routine for its normalcy while at the same time I hate it because
it is so routine.

I try very hard to be optimistic but I know deep down that there is no fairy
tale love in store for me.

I value my independence more than anything in this world but I wish that I
could just find domestic bliss.

I hate TV families for their happiness.

I can no longer enjoy other people's successes as I've become too envious
of their happiness.

I don't smile, because I have an ugly smile to begin with.

I don't act or dress feminine because every time I do someone has to point
it out as if something were wrong with me and they've found out that I'm
really a fake.

I hate waking up alone more than I hate sleeping alone - which is alot.

I feel like I'm just window-shopping in this life and secretly hope that
there is a next life and that in the next life I will be better prepared.

I feel used by almost everyone I know and I do nothing about it just to
avoid conflict.


I wish I believed in God.

I only date emotionally unavailable men and then complain that I can't find the love of my life.

I'm still holding out hope that someone will save me from myself.