Brain atrophy

Horray for 4 day weekends? Well, maybe not so much.

With no voice it's been impossible to have any type of conversation with any human being that doesn't have the patience of a saint (and I know none of these types). I can't even get a cup of coffee right (two strikes in two days). This leaves me with nothing to do except sit around and drool on myself. I suppose it is one way to pass the time but it's definitely telling. Perhaps now that I'm recognizing that my life at this point is just a series of lo-fi moments all looping on some giant reel in the sky -- perhaps I'll somehow find motivation to do...something.

School is out of the question for awhile, perhaps indefinitely, and as I age and watch technology evolve around me, I think maybe that's for the best. Perhaps a career change is in order. I'll be one of those retirees that decide to go back to school when their own kids finally leave the house. Wonder how much tuition will have risen to by then. In the meantime, I'll continue to collect cats as I work my way to that spinster badge that I should have earned by now.

I used to have all these 'things' going on. Projects, etc. None were ever finished to satisfaction and the truth is I can't remember a single one to think of picking back up. What the hell did I use to do with my spare time? I've watched the same piece of carpet for 20 minutes now racking my brain for inspiration, some sort of divine sign, but nothing is coming. It's still just carpet.

I've had the urge to throw nearly everything in my house away and start all over. I'm not much of a collector of things, but I've accumulated a bunch of crap. It makes me feel claustrophobic in my own house. I daydreamed today about just leaving the apartment and running to the airport - destination unknown, and not coming back. I want to be the friend that just sends cryptic postcards back home every few years, always from a different country.

This is fucking depressing.