Somewhere there is moderation...

Last night I had that freaky re-occuring dream. It was slightly different in that it was changed to fit current events, but the essence of it was the same. This time around it started out that we were laying in bed watching a movie (which we were before I fell asleep) and for some reason that I can't remember a two-dollar hooker got up and left to go drinking with some friends (I think he got a phone call or something). As soon as he left I got up to lock all the doors in the house (it was a really big fucking house with doors on three sides.) I went to the front and locked the door, headed around to the side and noticed that a car was coming up the driveway which was wierd since it was the middle of the night and this was a remote area (apparently). The person got out of the car and started heading around the house rather sneaky like to the front door which I knew wasn't locked because a two dollar hooker had just gone out of it. I ran to the front door (and it was actually left open) and the guy started to run for the door, too. He got to the door just as I was slamming it closed. He was a pretty tore up looking black guy with a mechanics jacket with the name tag XXXXXXXX [edit: realized where this name came from and had to remove it. Sorry.] (all this is re-occuring..this guy is in alot of my bad dreams). We both basically circle all the doors in the house, he on the outside, trying to get in and myself on the inside trying to make sure everything is secure. Eventually, he breaks a window and I run upstairs to get Aislin since it is just me and her left in the house. I can't remember what exactly woke me up, but I was totally freaking out. I woke up and a two dollar hooker was asleep, checked on Aislin and she was too. No idea what time it was exactly, but I don't feel like I've slept at all.

Had a minor melt-down this morning as it seems that everything in my life is working against me somehow or conspiring to make me miserable. Aislin threw away my contact lenses. Thankfully, they are disposable and I have plenty more. Some cat, not sure which, unraveled an entire roll of toliet paper onto the ground. All this was just in the bathroom of course. It doesn't speak to the rest of the house which is in just as much of a chaotic state as that room. Things have to be orderly for me to be able to function around them and when my house is like this I can't function in it much at all.

I've spent the last month or so standing back and watching from a distance as all the more or less important things in my life just fall apart or take a backseat to anything and everything more immediate that gets my attention - (read: look, shiny!) I know how self-destructive this can be and I'm having a hard time getting it all sorted out so I can get myself back on track. It's not possible for there to be more hours in the day for me to accomplish things and I still have to have some downtime to recharge. Somehow, I'm not accomplishing anything nor am I recharging so I'd like to know what happened to all the time?

Baby steps, baby steps. In a small effort to reorganize and clean up I drove all the way to Elk Grove and bought a cheap media shelf to clean up the pile of DVDs and VHS tapes lying in the floor in the 'hallway'. I cleaned up the area back there around Lhiannan's desk and cleaned up the bathroom again. As always, there is so much more to do and I'm just one person. It's hard. Especially when it is so incredibly hot in here.

I met Temperance and Shawn over at Jerry's A&K yard sale. Got a 'bands you've never heard of' CD for a quarter, a ps2 game for a dollar, and a few things for the kids. Of course, I did all this in my pajamas. It was swell. There were a ton of old cattle club posters, shirts, and boxes upon boxes of cds and records but it was just too hot to go through all of it.