Something to do while the waters recede...
My only resolution thus far for 2006 is to clean my house before 2006 so that I can start fresh and clean. This is something I have avoided up until now -- not intentionally, but just as a result of the emotional rollercoaster I've endured the last week or two. For the last two weeks there have only been two frames of thinking. The first, never go home. This is partly because once again sharing space with Josh quickly became taxing. I guess I forgot (or blacked out...) the fact that he is somewhat slower than most to catch on to alot of things. This is not to say he is stupid, because he isn't. He has an amazing talent for many things in an artistic and social aspect. However, when a your ex, the father of your child, asks for help...wants to sleep on your couch for a week because he is coming down from who knows what sort of variation of coke...it frustrates you to no end. Particularly when they want you to feel sorry for them. I gave up feeling sorry for him years ago when we parted ways the last time and no matter how hard I try I cannot make myself feel sorry now. I do feel sorry for Aislin though.
Once he finally did go back to his own home (having given up the notion of returning to LA) I began to feel more comfortable with his visits and whatever. I guess I was paranoid that he might never leave. Knowing that he does have a place to go to takes a little of the pressure off. I also think he has come to realize that I'm not going to be able to help him beyond what I have already done and because the little hints he dropped were nauseating I made it clear that there was no chance ever in this life time that I would consider being in a relationship with him again. Ever. And I think he might actually get it.
The other state of mind was one which kept me in bed for any non-working hours watching whatever Netflix and DVDs my friends deemed to loan me. Thanks, Mom. The Grimm Brothers was great. Shortcuts is disturbing. The Emperor and The Assassin is a waste of three hours if you already know anything about the beginnings of the short lived Qin dynasty. Endless hours of Arrested Development nearly brought me out of the stupor.
So, basically I was never home or never out of bed. The house has suffered at the hands of my kids and Josh.
When I woke up this morning my entire neighborhood was flooded. Had I decided to check the mailbox (which I wouldn't do because I use a PO box anyway...but you get the point) I would have had to use a boat to get across my front yard. 20th Ave (my street) had a one foot wide strip down the middle of it that was not flooded. 36th Street (I live on a corner) was completely underwater. I stepped outside to 'enjoy the weather' while I had my scheduled "Saturday morning coffee via long distance phone call" with Damon. A big SUV drove down 36th Street through the flood water at probably 50 mph. The water from the resulting wake reached the ROOF of the neighbors house. Pretty extreme. My daughter's bedroom faces the street and she ran in to tell me that she saw a man walking with a cane through the water and then he dropped his cane in the water (idiot), let it float away and then bent down to tie his shoe...in the water. Only in Oak Park.
In any event that was several hours ago and the water has receded although apparently another storm is headed this way. Lovely. I'm thankful that my "apartment" in this house is upstairs. Carmen and her bunch downstairs may float away but I'll still be here. Well, except my stairs may flood.
Once he finally did go back to his own home (having given up the notion of returning to LA) I began to feel more comfortable with his visits and whatever. I guess I was paranoid that he might never leave. Knowing that he does have a place to go to takes a little of the pressure off. I also think he has come to realize that I'm not going to be able to help him beyond what I have already done and because the little hints he dropped were nauseating I made it clear that there was no chance ever in this life time that I would consider being in a relationship with him again. Ever. And I think he might actually get it.
The other state of mind was one which kept me in bed for any non-working hours watching whatever Netflix and DVDs my friends deemed to loan me. Thanks, Mom. The Grimm Brothers was great. Shortcuts is disturbing. The Emperor and The Assassin is a waste of three hours if you already know anything about the beginnings of the short lived Qin dynasty. Endless hours of Arrested Development nearly brought me out of the stupor.
So, basically I was never home or never out of bed. The house has suffered at the hands of my kids and Josh.
When I woke up this morning my entire neighborhood was flooded. Had I decided to check the mailbox (which I wouldn't do because I use a PO box anyway...but you get the point) I would have had to use a boat to get across my front yard. 20th Ave (my street) had a one foot wide strip down the middle of it that was not flooded. 36th Street (I live on a corner) was completely underwater. I stepped outside to 'enjoy the weather' while I had my scheduled "Saturday morning coffee via long distance phone call" with Damon. A big SUV drove down 36th Street through the flood water at probably 50 mph. The water from the resulting wake reached the ROOF of the neighbors house. Pretty extreme. My daughter's bedroom faces the street and she ran in to tell me that she saw a man walking with a cane through the water and then he dropped his cane in the water (idiot), let it float away and then bent down to tie his shoe...in the water. Only in Oak Park.
In any event that was several hours ago and the water has receded although apparently another storm is headed this way. Lovely. I'm thankful that my "apartment" in this house is upstairs. Carmen and her bunch downstairs may float away but I'll still be here. Well, except my stairs may flood.
posted by Stephanie at
11:25 AM
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