Depression? I think so.

My mom is now selling her house. She still has not been able to find a job - getting the same old "You're over-qualified" bullshit that she has since day one. My grandfather has been sending her money so that she can eat. She has no car so her only transportation is her bike, me, or my brother.

Moving along to my brother...I just got a message from him saying all the windows in his car were broken out (hey, we match) and that his car will probably be totalled. His wife recently left him so he was already feeling sketchy but now...

I am doing my best to be the strong one for my family and it is insanely hard. With all the money and car problems that I'm already having this is all becoming super taxing. I feel sick all the time and I just don't eat much anymore. All I want to do is sleep and it's impossible to keep myself awake sometimes. I fell asleep as soon as I got home yesterday from work and slept until the kids woke me up. I fed them and tried to watch a movie but fell asleep almost immediately. Matt called and that woke me up. I wanted to sleep with him last night just so I could feel a little more secure, a little more normal and comforted. So I went over there and went upstairs to read while he and his daughter ate dinner and I nearly fell asleep again until he came up and asked me to watch a movie with him.

I am trying to work as much overtime as possible so that I can pay all the huge bills that are now piling up on me and that are totally behind but of course it's never enough. Just paying off the bills I had took all the money I had and then there is food to think of. My daughter is constantly bugging me to pay for this and that so she can do stuff and have fun and it's killing me to have to constantly tell her we can't afford it. She really wants to take a drama class after school but it costs $200 dollars and she doesn't understand that we don't have $200. I told her to call her dad and ask him but I know that he won't do it either.

It's all just too much. I really need a kind ear and some comfort. I know my friends are doing their best to be helpful even though I never asked them to. I called Shawn today to see if they had any plastic sheeting left from when they painted their house so I could fix the window on my car again - the plastic sheeting has already fallen off. He didn't have any but offered to pick some up from Target and drop it off at my house. They have also both been super helpful picking up my kids from school so that I could work overtime. I wish there was a way I could pay them back for their kindness, but I just don't know how.

I still haven't gotten a police report yet for my car, so I can't call the insurance to have the window fixed or any of my stolen property replaced. (Oh yeah, the insurance is another bill I will have to start paying effective immediately.) I am going to try to stop at the police department sometime today to see what the holdup is. I am also supposed to go to a 1-year old's birthday party tonight but I feel awful because I can't get her a gift and I hate showing up at birthday parties empty handed because I feel like a leech.

Did I mention I feel sick? I've been throwing up several times a day lately just due to stress. I think I've probably lost some weight - and quite frankly I don't have any to lose. My house is a mess because I just have no motivation to keep it cleaned up. I keep slipping into escapism mode where I just give up on everything else and read a book or play a game. Anything to feel like I am somewhere else.